Listen.

Watching over you, watching over me. Parents watching over. Watching over, holding onto our children. Watching over, holding onto our grandchildren. Watching over, holding onto our parents. Graciously, painfully. They walk into the next world. Sorrow sometimes shadows my heart.

Yet and still. I listen. In prayer and times of unknown. They share their wisdom. We listen. Feeling gratitude for their gifts of love. Feeling joy for the laughter of our children.

Our journeys do continue. Step by step, day by day. We walk. We hold on. We listen. We share.

Our children grow anew. We each grow anew. Life continues. Offering us new growth.

In these early mornings hours before dawn. I write. I listen.

We continue to listen to each other. We continue watching and holding onto over each other.

Listening.

Story of the birds.

Our little granddaughter drew the heart and birds on our living room window when she was ten years old. She’s now twenty. Grandad took a photo to preserve her drawing. I’ve always been Gramma Nonnie to her.♥️

writing from January 31, 2025, my mother's birthday and some notes regarding special friends.

Good morning, yesterday Janurary 30th my husband and I had a wonderful lunch and conversation with a dear friend. Later in the evening she sent a thank you email and this beautiful Washington Post article by Anne Lamott, published yesterday and titled, “The Resistance Will Not be Rushed.” I’m so grateful for our friend sending it our way. I feel out of the loop and out of touch because this is my first encounter and now certainly not my last with this extraordinary author. Last night after I read it, I read it again, out loud to Chuck! We talked about our impressions of her writing and with gratitude for our day. Then I still needed to learn more so I researched about Anne and her many books and articles. I found her on fb and there she had just posted her wonderful article free for all to read. I have been given a gift of a new helper in my life. I’m humbled that I’m learning of Anne Lamott for the first time and excited to read her books and articles.

Anyway…Happy Birthday to my sweet mother today. This is dedicated to her. She is always with me. Her love of learning and curiosity and joy! She was always so excited to learn about a new concept or read a new book. A liberal at heart and in the full since of the word. I miss her every damn day!

I can almost hear her saying, “Wow! Connie I can’t believe you have never read anything by Anne Lamott.” Hope you all enjoy Anne Lamott’s Washington Post article, and thanks again to our dear friend Susan!

Here is the article link and the article in its entirety.

The resistance will not be rushed Resting up to join a peaceful, nonviolent, colorful and multigenerational opposition. Today at 10:38 a.m. EST By Anne Lamott. Her latest book is “Somehow: Thoughts on Love.”

I am not sure what my role in the resistance will be, as my feet and right hip frequently hurt. Also, it was announced in the news beginning several hours after the November presidential election that the resistance is muted, and/or that there is no resistance. Democrats and the opposition leaders — of whom there are apparently none anyway — don’t know what to do. But how could anyone?When my mother fell into a steep decline with Alzheimer’s disease and diabetes in 2000, my two brothers and I met with a gerontology nurse. She listened to our grief, confusion and absolute exhaustion. How would we know when it was time to move Mom to assisted living? How could we keep her from bingeing on the rolls and cookies she was shoplifting from Safeway, which the checkers paid for because they loved her? How could we get her to take her insulin when she was so confused? And the nurse replied gently, “How could you know?” This had not occurred to us. We thought we must be stupid not to know. She said, “You guys all need a good, long rest.” I think we need and are taking a good, long rest. Along with half of America, I have been feeling doomed, exhausted and quiet. A few of us, approximately 75 million people, see the future as a desert of harshness. The new land looks inhospitable. But if we stay alert, we’ll notice that the stark desert is dotted with growing things. In the pitiless heat and scarcity, we also see shrubs and conviction. Lacking obvious flash and vigor might seem as if there is no resistance. But it is everywhere you look. It is in the witness and courage of the Right Rev. Mariann Budde. It is in the bags of groceries we keep taking to food pantries. It looks like generosity, like compassion. It looks like the profound caring for victims of the fires, and providing refuge for immigrants and resisting the idea that they are dangerous or unwanted, and reaching out to queer nieces, siblings and strangers and helping resist the notion that their identities are unworthy, let alone illegal.

It is in our volunteer support for public schools and libraries, because we know the new president holds them in contempt and fear. Teachers and librarians are allies for souls who have been dismissed as hopeless. These unabashed do-gooders will definitely get the best seats in heaven, nearest the dessert table. What they have to offer — patience, companionship, poetry — is about to be defunded by the new administration, but not by us. Resistance may depend on federal district court judges, but it will look like bake sales. Too bad my mom is no longer here to donate her stolen cookies, but I am here, as are all my friends. They ask me for direction, because I am a Sunday school teacher, and they feel like children: “How will we get through the next four years?” I tell them a few things that always help me. First, I tell them what my Jesuit friend Father Tom Weston says when I call him for help when I feel craziest. After assuring me once more that he can counsel Protestants, too, if they are pitiful enough, and no matter the exact details of the latest calamity at the dinner table or in D.C., he always says, “We do what’s possible.” So we are kind to ourselves. We take care of the poor. We get hungry kids fed. We pick up litter. Second, I tell them what Susan B. Anthony’s grandniece said. Also named Susan B. Anthony, she told her therapy clients that in very hard times, we remember to remember. Remember that the light always returns. Remember earlier dark nights of the soul, for ourselves, our families and our nation, when we fell in holes way too deep to ever get out of. Remember the Greensboro sit-ins and the march from Selma to Montgomery, the 2017 Women’s March, the coronavirus vaccine. Remember how in the desert, down by the arroyo, you’ll find dubious patches of pale green, maybe a random desert lily and, impossibly, baby leaves. Molly Ivins would have told me on Nov. 6, “Sweet Pea, we got our horse shot right out from under us.” We did, and it hurts like hell and we loved that horse, and people are laughing at us. We need a little time here to decompress. Now is a time of quiet. A passionate activist friend told me she doesn’t feel very resisty yet, but one thing that characterizes deserts is the stillness, until the wind blows. And, boy, when it blows, it’s like an organ. You can hear its shape and power because everything else is so still. How or when will the wind start up? How could we know? But it always does. Spring is less than two months away — warmth, light, daffodils, life bursting into its most show-offy self. “Give me those far away in the desert,” Saint Augustine said, “who are thirsty and sigh for the spring of the eternal country.” I can tell you this: The resistance will be peaceful, nonviolent, colorful, multigenerational — we older people will march with you, no matter our sore feet and creaky joints. There will be beautiful old music. There will also be the usual haranguing through terrible sound systems, but oh well. Until then, this will be my fight song: left foot, right foot, breathe. Help the poor however you can, plant bulbs right now in the cold rocky soil, and rest.

By Anne Lamott, American novelist and nonfiction writer. Her latest book, “Somehow: Thoughts on Love,” was published in April 2024.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/anne-lamott/

Another Snow Day in Sudden Valley

Wakig up to a few more inches of snow this morning. The temp is 23 degrees fahrenheit and -5 celsius. We are running low on a few things so I made an order last night for a grocery delivery this afternoon. Hoping some thawing may occur so it would not be too difficult for the driver. At our age we are not able to dig out the snow around our car, therefore driving is not possible. The snow plows have been out for a few days now taking care of the roads in our little mountain community. We are bewteen Stewart mountain and Galbrath or Lookout mountain, and along Whatcom lake and Lake Louise. Temperatures are suppose to remain in the low 20's and high in the mid 30's for the next 10 days or so, with more off and on snow patterns. I have two weather apps and a very good Whatom county resource on fb to keep us updated on the weather.

I periodically was recieving text messages that our order was in process, our order was completed, our order was on the way, and finally our order was near for delivery. I went out and opened the gate and then stayed at the kitchen window watching for the driver. It's compicated to find these condominiums and the GPS does not do an adequate job of finding us either. This has been our experiene since the first day we tried to find our way here and from many who have visited. I saw the driver stopped on the road and it looked like he was confused. I went out and waved him on into the driveway, just barely able to stop him. He stopped at the side of the road and not down into the driveway. he did not have appropriate shoes for walking in the snow. I was feeling guilty and grateful at the same time. He started walking down the driveway and kindly sat the groceries on the edge of the driveway, with my encouragement, so to be safe. I thanked him several times. He was very kind and waved and was off on his way. Then I went to get Chuck to bring the groceries in from the snow packed driveway where walking was not possible for me yet.

The other thing that happened this morning as I was heading to the shower, Chuck hollered out from his study to, "come here and see something if you can". I went to see what he needed, thinking there was a massive leak in the ceiling from heavy snow or something tramatic like that, and out his study window was a raccoon going under the condominium next door and then another followed. We often see this group of four raccoons in the neighborhood. We have speculated they live under one cono or another.

Such are the happenings of the day so far. As I pop in to read about the catastrophies of the day this new administration is accomplishing, as it inflicts terror in the lives of those with any common since at all to get what's going on so far and in just barely three weeks time. My self care plan is stabilizing my anxiety with thoughts of decluttering my study, but mostly cooking, eating, writng and taking photos of the snow from inside. I can't go for actual walks outside yet because of my fractured ankle, especially in the snow. So conversation with my husband. Television in the evening has been rewatching "Folyes War" a great BBC sitcom that we love, with actor Michael Kitchen, as a police officer, and his crew solving murders, dealing with the German Natzi regime, etc., during the time of WWII. I spend time daily communicating with our family and friends on either text, phone and or zoom. Sleep is very erratic these days. Thank goodness for my lavender oil and valerian. I didn't get to the persimmon cookies yeaterday, however the large batch of granola I made yesterday turned out delicious, as attested by my husband!

I am continuing to really enjoy Anne Lamott's book, "bird by Bird". If you're interested, study the works of Anne Applebaum, a Polish and American citizen. She is a journalist and historian. Her book titled, "Autocracy Inc. The Dictators Who Run the World" is a must read and very informative. As is any interviews you can find with her sharing her knowledge and expertise. According to an article I read at fivebooks.com, "Anne Applebaum is a historian and a staff writer at the Atlantic. She is also a Senior Fellow at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies and the Agora Institute, where she co-directs Arena, a program on disinformation and 21st-century propaganda. She specializes in Eastern Europe and Russia. Anne Applebaum’s books have won a number of prestigious prizes and feature on many Five Books reading lists".

Here is a link to an interview with her from NPR July of 2024. I listend to this in the car coming home from taking my grandsons on a summer outing.

https://www.npr.org/2024/07/23/nx-s1-5049021/expert-on-dictators-warns-dont-lose-hope-thats-what-they-want

Raccoon sighting photos are courtesey of Chuck Britt.

February 3rd continued....

Making granola before I start a batch of cookies. Chuck has been waiting a few weeks as he enjoys it for breakfast. I’ve been slow in getting to it. I have been making my own granola for many years. As I was putting in the ingredients I noticed how pretty they all ended up in the mixing bowl so had to take a photo before adding a half a cup of oil and half a cup of honey that I had heated together. The honey I used was a Christmas gift from my daughter’s neighbor. They have a few bee hives.

Chuck is out sho0veling snow this morning. Our neighbors next door arrived over the weekend. We’re in a condo. They are Canadian and live here a few months out of the year, in winter and late summer. It was 26 degrees earlier this morning, it’s 32 now. While Chuck was out shoveling snow away from the front door and the walk way, he spoke with them. They said it’s 20 below where they are from and it feels like spring here to them.

recently I’ve been viewing my news on Substack and Bluesky. It is difficult and frightening to get through the day with what’s happening in the new administration. I find I definitely need more news than fb or some of the other regular news outlets I had been following are offering. I read an article by Emily Amick, on Substack that was encouraging earlier this morning. Insightful in terms of not feeling alone with what’s going on inside of me right now. The author states the obvious, however when anxiety drowns it out of me I start to “look for the helpers” which is a habit as you may now know I’ve done since I was a child. I just didn’t know it until Mr. Roger’s reminded me. This article seemed to be helpful. Here’s a quote from a portion of the article, “When you engage with purpose rather than rage, when you choose action over cynicism, you start to weave yourself back into the fabric of your community. You discover that while you can't control everything happening in the political sphere, you absolutely can control how you show up in your own corner of the world.” Anyway, if you have any thoughts from reading the article, please do share. "Feeling Helpless? That’s Exactly What They Want." Viktor Frankl found purpose in the darkest times, his lesson is more urgent than ever, by Emily Amick

Here is the link:

https://emilyinyourphone.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

I made a delicious pot of lentil soup using vegetables that we had grown in our community garden plot this summer, and had put in the freezer. Did you know you can freeze whole tomatoes? Just pop one or two in your soup making process and they cook up and blend in all on their own like magic! I added in chard, parsley and Italian roma beans from our garden that I froze as well. I had never grown the Roma beans, but my garden neighbor shared two starts with me and we got tons of beans from the two plants. Making the soup from our garden veggies felt really rewarding and nurturing!

Finally, here is an uplifting quote from Viktor Frankl that I’ve hung onto for sometime.

“ Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Photo taken 2/3/25

February 3, 2025. Saying Goodbye to Dear Friends Moving to Portugal and Other Stories!

Photos are of our dear friends of over 25 years. Top photo is Chuck and Pedro, from 1/15/2025. Pedro is Chuck's dearest friend. He came up from Oregon to visit and say goodbye. He was finishing up the final process of moving and on his to Portugal, their new home, and where Donna had just arrived. They have invited us to move to Portugal with them. We are actually considering the invitation. Planning to do research and visit them in a few months. Donna and Pedro were witnesses at our wedding in January of 1999. We were witnesses for there wedding in July of 2000. Middle photo is of Donna and I around 2004 or so. The third photo is of all four of us. "The Gang." Taken in the early 2000's.

Good morning. Well time moves along and things in our country are getting pretty messy!!

On fb today I posted a link to Professor Heather Cox Richardson's writing for February 2, 2025 about what is happening in our new administration. With deep concerns for what is happening, I noted "This is the reality we are in. How can we not be aware of the consequences". Here is her link.

https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/february-2-2025

Today is February 3, 2025. I'm behind in moving my fb writing over to my blog. It’s not even 7:00 am and here I am. Monday morning, terrified of whats to come in terms of our new administration, I work to refocus on my day! I look outside and see a few more inches of beautiful snow on the ground. The sound of silence that snow brings is a beautiful gift from nature and our Mother Earth. Peaceful and quiet blanket of crystal white love. Happy little birds dancing around the bird feeders. Plans for my day: I’m starting to de-clutter. Preparing to visit Portugal, with the intention of possible moving there. I went through my clothes, shoes and coats last week and we delivered seven bags to a household of young women where our grand daughter lives. They were very happy to receive the treasures. Today I’m going to be working in my study on de-cluttering collections of old files, books, photos and organizing them for gifts, give away and recycle. It’s only been five years since we retired and downsized from our beautiful three story home of 24 years and moved to our little place here in December of 2020. Boy how things do collect. Some things I just hang on to forever, like the very cute sweater my daughters gave me when they were young. It has embroidered alphabet letters and fun children’s things like birds and on the back a big barn and sweet animals. You know like the sweaters worn at Christmas parties, who can wear the most dazzling! Anyway that cute sweater finally went in the give away bags. I received a text from my granddaughter whose house we dropped the items off. She told me she gave the sweater to a friend of hers who is a preschool teacher, and she loves it! I had not even told my granddaughter the history of the sweater that’s been packed away all these years.♥️Isn’t that just the best story ever.

Other activities that will keep me busy today? I took our three persimmons from the freezer last night and will make cookies with them. It’s a tradition in our family to make persimmon cookies during the holidays. In California if you are lucky you have a neighbor or friend who has a persimmon tree. So beautiful. I had a friend in high school and they had an avocado tree in their back yard. It seemed like that tree was always full of avocados. Anyway…I just didn’t get around to making the cookies this past Christmas so the fruit went into the freezer for another day.

I’m reading the book “Bird by Bird” no, by Anne Lamott. She’s very funny and down to earth.

I’m starting week seven of healing from a fractured ankle. Mobility has been very limited, seeing an orthopedic doctor for care. So so grateful to the moon for my husband Chuck who has really worked hard to keep us both going while I rest and heal. Prayers for protection and a peaceful heart to all today and always!

“Peace be upon you”, our dear friends, Donna and Pedro, wrote in a text to Chuck and I yesterday. I pass their love on to you🕊️🙏🏽🕊️

Writing from January 30, 2025. The Lord's Prayer.

As a child I learned the Lords prayer somewhere along the way, perhaps when my grandmother, Deedee mom, first took us all to the Methodist church, where I received my bible at the age of 10, and still have with me. I spent a great deal of time with her. She taught me to quilt, and cook, and nurtured me in many remarkable ways. My mother did not take us to church or teach us any specific doctrine of religion. She told me you live your heaven and hell here on earth. She was one to speak her truth, although sometimes with trepidation, often taking her time to understand how to say what was in her heart so to be heard and not offend. But she did speak her truth and I deeply admire my mother for her courage. My father stayed away from churches as well. He felt the church had abandoned him to class and hierarchy and chose to take us camping in the cathedrals of the Sequoias and teach us how to build fires. I followed anyone going to church in my neighborhood as a young person, learning from different Christian congregations, when my friend’s families would let shuffle along.

I believe this created a constant curiosity in me that to this day, and as a Bahai since I was 27 years old, I continue to educate and nurture my spiritual needs through a wide variety of cultural and religious opportunities that come my way. This service came up in my search today so I offer up the Lords Prayer and this service from the Washington Cathedral for today.

Remember teach the children to always look for the helpers, as you become the helpers yourselves and for each other, sewing seeds of goodness.

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Here's the utube link to the Washington National Catherdal's daily prayer service.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bqibNJIN-o

The photo is of myself, back left. My cousin Linda standing next to me. My sister Diana next to Linda. My two cousins, Debbie on the left front, Donna in the middle and my sweet sister Barbie on the right front. The photo is from 1957 or so. We all took turns over the years visiting with our grandmother, Deedee mom. Sometimes together for sleepovers, and sometimes individually having our grandmother all to ourselves.

1/3

0/2025.

"Final Gifts." Remembering Our Loved Ones in a Good Way

As we remember the passing of dear President Carter at the age of 100, a remarkable and generous and kind honest man, I’d like to share my experiences about the book, “Final Gifts”. I have carried this book with me for more than 25 years now. I recently came across a review of the book as I was wandering the internet this evening. Years ago after my sister passed away, a colleague shared this book with me. I bought the book and kept it with me as a tool for helping myself and others. I have also gifted it to others. The guidance became my companion through my mother’s passing as well as my father’s. I recommend it to help in understanding the veil between the preparation a soul experiences as they ready themselves for crossing over, and as those in the next world prepare to receive them. Each person experiences death and dying in different ways based on their life and their beliefs and their experiences. I realize this and only share here from my own experience, with no expectations of others.

Sometimes there is no time or opportunity for preparation to be made with a loved one before they pass, as happened in my life with both of my younger sisters. Sometimes there are maybe hours, days, weeks and even months of holding a loved one in your heart and sitting with them as they go through the experience of dying and leaving this world for the next. Many of us experienced loosing loved ones from outside a room or window due to covid during the tragic pandemic. I had the blessing of being with both my mother and my father. This lovely little book, along with my special prayers that I carried with me, brought me a deeper appreciation and understanding of what I was witnessing in my parents, in myself, and in other family members as we walked through their final days together. These experiences are always close to my heart at this time of year, as my father passed in the month of November, 2018, four days sfter his birthday, at the age of 93. My mother passed away in the late evening of Christmas Day, 2015, she was 84. she would have turned 85 on January 31, of 2016. My sister Diana passed away in November of 1995, she was only 45. My sister Barbie passed away at 46, in January of 2000. I’m the oldest, my mother gave birth to four children in five years. When I was 14, in 1963, a baby brother was born.

My experiences of loosing good friends, spiritual sisters and brothers, and clients over the last many years to covid and illnesses, alcohol and drug addiction, has also been heavy on my heart. Processing the passing of dear loved ones is never over and happens in stages as you know. This time of year always offers new experiences for me, moving in stages that are some times just too many and too overwhelming to even grasp.

As I experienced saying goodbye to each of my parents separately and under different conditions, my ability to be with them and hold them close was possible because i chose to be with them. i put them both first before my work. I had gratefully learned from previous years of training and education and preparing myself through studying this book and others like it on death and dying. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, for example, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, and pioneer in near-death studies and trainings in my mental health counselor career to assist clients with grief and loss issues. Other useful research materials and authors as well, that are not necessary to name here and now. It’s this little book however, "Final Gifts", with stories presented by hospice nurses, that touched my heart so deeply and in a personal capacity to help me understand how to learn, over time, to let go and say good bye.

The book review here is thoughtful and I hope you find it helpful in a good way.

https://maggiecallanan.com/interview_bedard.pdf

The Colors of Gratitude

Photo taken July 18, 2024, of my vegetables and sweetpeas, in a basket I have had for years and use for any number of things. The lovely swing my husband made for me almost twenty years ago now.

The Colors of Gratitude.

Written July 21, 2022.

Wild flowers grown from seed.

Sometimes I wish life’s wisdom showed itself as abundantly.

Then I remember the small seeds in the dark soil, no color or scent.

The work, the time for the gift of the nutrients of nature to do their work. The sun light, the rain, to do it’s work.

I have work to do for myself...to give myself time to listen gently, to hold on to, to be kind with and listen to each budding thought and feeling needing attention.

Working to be with the discomforts and distractions, the unwanted chaos, the confusion within and outside the world.

Letting in the nurturing Love, Light and Rain provided each of us with abundance. Letting go. Weeding out the energy of the no longer needed, no longer useful weight of darkness.

With conscious intention and choice to accept myself, I create a path, a furrow, a safe space to grow. To begin again, to do the necessary work.

The new energetic burst of colors emerge and surround me. The next steps of my life and what needs to be done takes hold.

Lifting my soul as the flowers sprouting and bursting from the dark soil.

Quiet, Peaceful, Wisdom.

Glowing. Glistening.

The Colors of Gratitude for my blessed life.

Photos of my wild flower garden taken 7/21/19.

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The Constance Swing. Photo 3/9/2020