Happy International Women's Day! Every Woman has a story, these are mine.

I can't climb mountains with my Grand Children any more,

but I can share my stories of the mountains I was blessed to climb!

!

The Pitiful Causes of War and The Duty of Everyone to Strive for Peace

Abdul"Baha

Paris Talks

Paris

October 21, 1911 I hope you are all happy and well. I am not happy, but very sad. The news of the Battle of Benghazi grieves my heart. I wonder at the human savagery that still exists in the world! How is it possible for men to fight from morning until evening, killing each other, shedding the blood of their fellow-men: And for what object? To gain possession of a part of the earth! Even the animals, when they fight, have an immediate and more reasonable cause for their attacks! How terrible it is that men, who are of the higher kingdom, can descend to slaying and bringing misery to their fellow-beings, for the possession of a tract of land! The highest of created beings fighting to obtain the lowest form of matter, earth! Land belongs not to one people, but to all people. This earth is not man’s home, but his tomb. It is for their tombs these men are fighting. There is nothing so horrible in this world as the tomb, the abode of the decaying bodies of men. However great the conqueror, however many countries he may reduce to slavery, he is unable to retain any part of these devastated lands but one tiny portion — his tomb! If more land is required for the improvement of the condition of the people, for the spread of civilization (for the substitution of just laws for brutal customs) — surely it would be possible to[pg 29] acquire peaceably the necessary extension of territory. But war is made for the satisfaction of men’s ambition; for the sake of worldly gain to the few, terrible misery is brought to numberless homes, breaking the hearts of hundreds of men and women! How many widows mourn their husbands, how many stories of savage cruelty do we hear! How many little orphaned children are crying for their dead fathers, how many women are weeping for their slain sons! There is nothing so heart-breaking and terrible as an outburst of human savagery! I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of your heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love. Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content. Thoughts of love are constructive of brotherhood, peace, friendship, and happiness. When soldiers of the world draw their swords to kill, soldiers of God clasp each other’s hands! So may all the savagery of man disappear by the Mercy of God, working through the pure in heart and the sincere of soul. Do not think the peace of the world an ideal impossible to attain! Nothing is impossible to the Divine Benevolence of God. If you desire with all your heart, friendship with every race on earth, your thought, spiritual and[pg 30] positive, will spread; it will become the desire of others, growing stronger and stronger, until it reaches the minds of all men. Do not despair! Work steadily. Sincerity and love will conquer hate. How many seemingly impossible events are coming to pass in these days! Set your faces steadily towards the Light of the World. Show love to all; “Love is the breath of the Holy Spirit in the heart of Man”. Take courage! God never forsakes His children who strive and work and pray! Let your hearts be filled with the strenuous desire that tranquillity and harmony may encircle all this warring world. So will success crown your efforts, and with the universal brotherhood will come the Kingdom of God in peace and goodwill. In this room today are members of many races, French, American, English, German, Italian, brothers and sisters meeting in friendship and harmony! Let this gathering be a foreshadowing of what will, in very truth, take place in this world, when every child of God realizes that they are leaves of one tree, flowers in one garden, drops in one ocean, and sons and daughters of one Father, whose name is love!

Reference:

https://www.bahai.org/library/authoritative-texts/abdul-baha/paris-talks/

Capturing the Restful Quietness of Winter Before the Frogs Begin to Sing

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In April of 2025 Chuck and I made the decision, in consultation with our daughter and her family who live near us in the Pacific Northwest area, to accept a life change for ourselves. Over several months of consultation and contemplation what developed was a plan to create an inter-generational family home. A family home where we could live together in support of each other at this time in our lives and in these unique circumstances we all find ourselves. We have children in Canada and the Mid West who support us. We talked to friends and extended family and felt supported in the ideas we were considering. The first goal would be for us to be together as a family through our elder years. Our daughter and her husband had suggested this idea when we realized we needed to reconsider our living situation due to our age. We moved here five years ago but situations have occurred that now need our attention. The second goal is to be together to support each other at a time when financial uncertainty and rapid change is occurring in the world. As the decision to form a household together took form, it included doing research regarding where to live as a family together. It required putting our condo on the market in order to purchase a home that would allow us to “age in place” and allow room for two families to comfortably live together.  A great deal of thought has gone into this decision as one might imagine. 

Going back a bit, in the beginning of January of 2025, we had a dear friend visit us for a few days. He and his wife had been planning and organizing their lives to move to Portugal for several years and she was already there. He had come up from Oregon to say good bye and invite us to move to Portugal with them. I write about this on my blog February 3, 2025 titled, "February 3, 2025. Saying Goodbye to Dear Friends Moving to Portugal and Other Stories!". This loving invitation from our friends of over 25 years is what finally led us to decide to accept our daughter's offer of an inter-generational home. Chuck and I did four months of research about the ins and outs of moving permanently moving to Portugal, from January to April. We were very excited about the idea and had bought tickets and made plans to travel to Portugal and be with our friends for several weeks to do our own research there. 

That plan failed unfortunately, as the week before the flight I fell and injured myself and was not able to travel. Our daughter and her husband, who live in Canada, made plans to be with us in Portugal. This was a big disappointment all the way around us. An interesting side note: On the day we were to transfer planes in France to head to Lisbon, there was an "unprecedented incident, which resulted in a total loss of the power supply of continental Spain and Portugal, marking the most significant power system event in Europe in over two decades, with major impacts on Spanish and Portuguese citizens and society". It also effected France at the same time and we would have been at the airport there in the mad chaos. We did miss all that excitement. Our daughter was one day ahead of us having landed in Lisbon ahead of our planned arrival. They were not effected by the blackout in ways we would have been had we taken that flight. My daughter did text me and asked me to contact their three adult children living in Canada to let them know their parents had landed safely in Lisbon and were in their Airbnb along the coast as planned, with the amenities needed to get through the blackout. They had a wonderful time in Portugal without us and recently told us they had booked another flight to visit again this coming May! 

Here is an article about the blackout: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025_Iberian_Peninsula_blackout

In early December of 2024 we planned to visit Sante Fe to see old friends of Chuck's who had been inviting us for quite some time. We took that journey in early March of 2025 for a week. We considered the possibilities of moving there as well. I wrote about this trip on my blog on July 20th of last year, posting beautiful pictures of our visit. I titled it. "Renewed Friendships and Ancient Desert Lands".

As elders the first four months of 2025 were quite exhausting for us as we considered these life changing options. While we each feel quite blessed and protected in our life at this time, these considerations do not come without trepidation. As we move forward we are also fairly clear minded in our awareness of the difficulties and turmoil within the world we are now living in at this time, which is why we feel compelled to support each other as a family unit together. 

 We moved into our condo during Covid December 2020 because we needed a home without multiply floors and stairs. Due to health reasons on my part and physical restraints on Chuck's part we were no longer able to keep up with the constant maintenance of our beautiful and very large home, which also contained our clinical practice. With the Covid pandemic we could not see clients in person so ultimately all that led us to make to decision to retire. We were both 72 at the time.  A traumatic decision and chaotic adventure in itself. After moving we continued part time to work with clients on line for the next two years. We fully retired in  September of 2022. The condominium is in a beautiful area and we have been very happy living here the past five years. Blessed with a supportive community of neighbors! These decisions do not come to us lightly in any way! 

There were financial and physical and situational factors before us that we needed to address. Chuck and I discovered that neither of us were willing to move out of country and away from the opportunities afforded us here to be close to our family. So...Portugal was no longer being considered. However, we still see a visit there to join our frinds for an extended vacation in the back of our minds. Other factors were also included around health insurance needs, quality of life and close family friendships that would be disrupted. We spent several months going over the details and pro and cons together. We made several travel journeys as a couple, and traveled as a family, to visit various locations in Eastern Washington.  For quality of life and financial considerations related to living expenses, after months of research we chose to move to Eastern Washington. 

I’m writing this very personal journal as we go through this process because I am hoping our experiences may be of support to others.

  We put our place on the market in late April of 2025. From that time to now we have basically been living in limbo with organizing and preparing our home for moving...again. We sometimes only have a few hours notice to get ready for perspective buyers coming to investigate. This also includes preparing our home for what is called a three hour "open house" twice monthly. We have had some buyer interest and traction but not as much as we hoped and certainly not in the time frame we had hoped. Our vision has been tested. We are continuing with the sale this year with an affirmed vision for the plan we began to set in motion almost 10 months ago now. With our time spent keeping our place in order for people to come through, our current situation is defined as continued internal and external chaos, for the most part. The self care required is critical. Both Chuck and I have had creative projects we have been working on individually to take care of ourselves over the past months. We are quite good at that, it does not at all mean it’s easy however! We continue as a family with the medicine of hope and love and patience for the process. Not necessarily knowing the end result, we have discovered how much we love each other and are able to care for each other and maintain thatbhope through our love as a family.

 Today is February 10, 2026.  I have used much of my time over these past many years to write on my blog, which is a self care action that is always self healing and a magical learning experience. I have been writing a narrative on my blog about my life titled,  "First Daughter Still Standing".  I have spent the last few years, since the beginning of my full retirement in 2022, writing and working on how to say good bye to my dear parents and honor them both respectfully in the process. In late November, as the winter was just beginning, I chose to let go of the chaotic process of selling our place and let it be what ever it was going to be. During these winter days as I put all of that on pause, I have given myself permission to rest a great deal. Allowing myself space for reflection through long walks and quiet times of self care. With that it's now time to take a break from writing on my personal narrative and how to say good bye to my parents, to actually saying good bye. I release my constant and heavy questions of how I got to the 77th year of my life and let go of the travel time machine, filled with all of the ways that I became who I am. I release the blocks I have been working on that were filled with pain and sorrow. I am creating space for new intentions in my life.

It's time for me to create space for the day in early spring when the Frogs Begin to Sing!

I want to continue my life's walk into the tender acceptance of creating intentions for future plans that bring me joy. In my restful state over the last couple of months I have taken the time to listen to what is happening in the world around me related to the painful collective chaos that we are all feeling. I believe in the transformational process occurring now of which our Indigenous ancestors and relations have prophesized at this time as "The Great Turning".  Right here right now, I acknowledge that it is up to me to receive the blessings and honor the gifts of joy that come from understanding that we are in a collective transformational time, as the healers are now sharing. I want to acknowledge "The Great Turning" and fill my days with noticing the joy right in front of me...today.  I'm very good at understanding awakening actually. The whole of my life has prepared me for this moment!! It's who I am and how I've lived my life all along. Listening to the sound of the awakening of life's gifts IS how I have survived the trials on this trail called my life. 

It is time to awaken to yet another milestone trail for myself, the trail of Elderhood. Let go of the weight of my past. It's all there in my stories, here on my blog which I started in 2010. I will continue to revise and edit my work as I choose over time. Now I need to carry myself forward into the years of life I have left on this beautiful planet that is our home. Come what may. My blog has been a blessed home for me to document my life's story. That will continue. I have been quite tired, resting a great deal these weeks of winter. Quieting myself. Practicing my skills necessary for my well being in all aspects of my life. Feeling frustrated at times and moving through the process of my experiences is not ending, I know that much. I'm curious! I'm listening! I'm learning! It's time for me to slowly, mindfully awaken, and focus on what I want to do with the rest of the time that I'm blessed to be around on our beautiful Mother Earth.  Planting seeds of hope and restoration and renewal with curiosity and mindful intentions.

Finally....God bless the nineteen Venerable Monks for what they have given the world these past winter months in there 2,330 mile Walk for Peace. I followed them. I felt their presence and their pain with hundreds of thousands of others in the world! I listened and I received their message of peace in my heart! They are home now and I’m filled with gratitude as I complete this portion of my writing, February 14, 2026. 

 Today is going to be my Peaceful Day. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be at peace.

 Let the Year of The Fire Horse Begin! Let the Equinox bring in the Light of Spring!

Photo of Glorious Fireweed Seeds, Summer of 2020.

                                             

12/05/25 Balancing Chaos in my Elderhood Years: Teachings from my Mentors.

 

Updated December 6, 2025.

“Truth does not abandon the hearts that fly free.” 

Part two of First Daughter Still Standing. 

Blog post from June 30, 2025.

I struggled significantly in my early learning years. I learned quite young that I needed to become a self taught individual if I was going to survive my fears created from school situations, health complications and family issues surrounding my young life.  From teaching myself jewelry making, to designing my own clothes, to inventing creative ways to survive and graduate from high school, to many years of struggle pushing my way to a Masters Degree in Human Development, I never gave up. 

I married too young at 21, very much in love in those early days. My husband was a good man. He would later struggle with internal family dynamics too, that caused him much grief. Not understanding it all and after a lifetime of engaging in every manner of healing pathways and hard fought efforts to sustain a life for us, for myself and for our children, the unnamed, misunderstood traumas finally had to be faced. Complete separation, after several false attempts, was after our girls were on their own. After I came to terms with needing a life of my own. I take full responsibility for my mistakes and the massive fears I carried that created impulsive recklessness and harm.

 Being human is hard work! 

At twenty three I taught myself Lamaze child birth practices from a library book, the practice was barely known in 1970. I was carrying my first child, Jennifer, she was born in October of 1970, and named after my childhood best friend. We lived in Mendocino, California at the time. My husband, David, was in the Coast Guard and he was stationed at the light house there. He was a good husband and father. It was heavenly and a very happy and beautiful time in our lives. By the time my second child was born, Lamaze classes were being taught through the Red Cross and other organizations. We went together. Our second daughter, Emily, was born. She was name after my great grandmother. Our marriage however, had began to have struggles as my husband was showing early signs of mental illness of which neither one of understood at the time. He was not able to hold down a job after his four years in the Coast Guard. He became more and more self isolated and I found that I needed to find a way to complete my education in order to support our family financially.

 I discovered the teachings of Dr Maria Montessori from a friend. I became very excited to share her teachings with my mother. She and my sister, Diana, gave me a beautiful book by Dr. Montessori for Christmas that same year, it was 1972, Emily was a few weeks old. I soon found myself correspondence courses and teaching my two young daughters what I was learning. I received my Montessori Teaching Certificate by 1976. I was hired by the Swinomish Head Start program as a preschool teacher that fall. I  continued to use the Montessori Method in our home with my daughters to assure sure both of my children knew how to read  and write before they were enrolled in public school. After my mother and my grandmother, Deedee mom, Dr. Montessori was one of my first mentors.

I carried on with my education and advancing my opportunities for working with children and families. At the same time and through many complications of sustaining our marriage and our life together as a family, I choose to take care of husband, who was struggling with his mental health. Through much effort over the years I was able to finally get him medical assistance and proper disability insurance for his diagnosis of schizophrenia. Through my own mental health therapy I was able to find the wherewithal to file for a divorce and begin a life of my own. David went to live with his mother and sister. He would be safe and under proper care. Our daughters would be in their early twenties, icing their chosen lives by that time. I would go on to complete my MA degree. I have immense gratitude for our children and what they accomplished in their lives under these circumstances. I have been deeply fortunate for the support from many friends and family members and my Faith as a Baha’i. Those who helped our family at this juncture and through these difficult years. You are all in my heart and never forgotten. God’s blessings sustained us each day and continually surround us to this day.

 Gratitude and Grace carry me.

In the process of my self development it was time to face my own childhood issues and why I repeatedly felt like an outcast since my early years. I was not allowed to do certain activities that other kids were doing. For example, I was not allowed to make cards with the other kids in my class for holiday gifts. I remember being very disappointed when my teacher told me my hand writing was not good enough. I had a speech therapist in the second grade. She was so frightening in her approach that on the days I was suppose to see her I would hide in my bedroom when it was time to go to school, not knowing how to tell my mom about my fears. As the oldest of five children, my parents who loved us and worked hard to provide for us, did not know how to help me either. When I was nine years old I contracted pneumonia. I was treated for months, sometimes too weak to go to the doctor, he would come to our house and give me an injection of penicillin. The pneumonia was recurring and the doctor just kept giving me antibiotic shots. Eventually my mother took me to a specialist. I was loosing ground and was very ill. The specialist took an x ray and discovered I had swallowed a small piece of plastic and it was lodged in my left lung causing it to collapse. That’s why I was so weak I remembered of course, after talking with my parents and the doctor, that I had swallowed a small game piece that I had been sucking on. I remembered the chocking, the feeling of passing out, not being able to breath at the time. I remembered my mother settling me into bed after the episode, telling me I would be okay. Neither of us connected the recurring pneumonia with that incident. The constant fears I carried from those experiences did great harm to me, as I did not have a voice to speak up in my behalf. It would take years trying to save my first husband, ignoring my own issues of hiding my fears and expressing them through impulses and misaligned blame, that continued to harm me, and remained emotionally trapped in my own body, before I would reclaim my self, my free will, and my voice.

When I was young no one really knew about, diagnosed, or addressed ADHD or Dyslexia in young children. Learning reading and math skills was basically a disaster, as I did not learn the way other kids did. I learned to turn to those who would be my life long mentors by researching what I needed at the library. Somehow librarians were very patient and helped me with the card catalog system. I would learn early on, even as a poor reader at the time, to choose mentors through books, that would afford me healthy pathways to my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical development. One of my favorite books in high school was a gift I had received of a hard cover dictionary. A wonderful mentor in high school for me was Jane Addams. I studied her and wrote book reports about her. I would eventually write about her in my college essays as well. She was an American settlement activist, social worker, socialist, public administrator, philosopher, and author. Jane Addams was a leader in the history of social work and women's suffarage. She became the first woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize for her work in promoting international peace and for her leadership in the peace movement. 

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Addams.

 I learned about Transcendental Meditation in the early seventies as a young mother. I took a class at the local community center. I felt contained, but still not self realized. I went on to continue practicing mediation on and off all of my life. Never really understanding what it was I was doing or how it might be helping me. It just felt right. I learned and practiced yoga from a book but didn't take a class until my early forties. In the early nineties I read and studied "Women who Run With The Wolves" by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. She soon became one of my beloved mentors and still is. I used her teachings on trauma recovery and honoring women's voices through story telling as part of my own healing path, and as part of my thesis work for my MA degree. 

I received my Masters Degree in human development with specializations in child development, parent education and community work at Pacific Oaks College, finally completing my thesis in 2002. I began my BA work in 1995. Pacific Oaks College has a main campus in Pasadena, California and until recently had an out reach campus in Seattle. I completed both on line and in person courses in Seattle and Pasadena. The staff were very respectful and inviting. I developed friendships and acquired nurturing relationships with my professors, Dr. Barbara Daniels, and Dr. Elizabeth Jones, founder of the college. Im overwhelming grateful for their contributions to my education. 

Both became my mentors for many years. Their dedication to me as my eventual co-thesis chairs gave me the courage to recover my voice through my own story telling process.  They never let up on challenging my writing, and while it all drove me mad and often to tears, I am forever grateful to them! I learned of the college at an educational fair I attended while studying at Skagit Valley College, where I received my associates degree in early childhood education. I enrolled through applying for grants and loans which are now all paid off. 

"Grounded in its social justice heritage, Pacific Oaks College prepares students to be culturally intelligent agents of change serving diverse communities in the fields of human development, education, and related family studies. Pacific Oaks is committed to providing and promoting a diverse and inclusive environment for all students, faculty, and staff, where each person can succeed professionally regardless of race, ethnicity, culture, nationality, gender, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, age, marital status, or ability. We believe diversity and inclusion enrich the educational experience of our students, faculty, and staff and are necessary to prepare all people to thrive personally and professionally in a global society."  

https://www.pacificoaks.edu/

 A link to the life and contributions of dear Elizabeth Jones who passed away in November of 2022 at 92 years of age. https://hub.exchangepress.com/articles-on-demand/3176/

Over the years, since the late nineties, I have studied the works of and taken courses from Dr Caroline Myss, author of "Anatomy of The Spirit". Her auto tapes were given to me from my massage therapist who I started seeing after a car accident I was in 1997. The other driver hit me head on going 100 miles an hour according the police report. Witnesses confirmed the incident. After several weeks of physical and emotional distress and of not having a car as mine was totaled, I decided to take the driver, who had no auto insurance to court. A letter was sent to my insurance agent from a man who happened to be in his car parked across the street from the incident, stating what he had seen. The letter would be a God send. I studied the audio tapes by Dr Myss daily for six months. They helped me transform myself after the accident. I began reading her books and eventually took a two day training course with Dr Myss, while working at Skagit Mental Health Children Services. I had been working there for about seven months before the accident. It was there I would meet my second husband as I worked as an intern to receive my Washington State Mental Health Counseling certification. Dr Myss has ever since been another respected mentor that I continue to learn from.

Pema Chodron, Tibetan Buddhist nun and teacher, now 84 years old, has been another inspirational teacher for me over the last twenty years or so. I make sincere efforts to understand and practice her teachings on midndfulness and meditation. I have used Pema's practices of understanding our shared humanity of harmony and chaos within ourselves in my professional work with individuals as a licensed Mental Health Therapist and a Reiki practitioner the whole of my professional career. I would receive my Washington state, Mental Health Counselor Certification in 2004. My internship with Skagit Mental Health Childern's Services was from 1997 through 2004. I completed my Reiki Master training of four years during that time as well.

I have listened to Pema Chodron's audio “Coming Closer to Ourselves” many times. (please see references for her work below). I would like to share my thoughts and recommendations for supporting chaotic energies.  Perhaps you might be feeling and noticing in your body a collective experience of discomfort and distress that is affecting all of us at this time. I have been feeling more intense levels of both these types of energies lately. It all leaves me feeling confused and hopeless. I find I need lots of space between tasks for quiet and calm.  I need lots of meditative moments of quietness. I write this as of 12/05/25 at last full moon of the year.

Here’s what I’ve learned:  How….I make decisions about my day’s activities are about making choices that are Less active rather than More active. I’ve found myself over focused, with a feeling of necessity, on the tragedies and chaos of world events and political wranglings. The more I focus on the man made mess the more massive the internal distress wells up in me. I need lots of reminders that I actually do know what to do in these. I’ve been practicing and teaching these self care skills now for over 25 years through my learned and lived experiences that have led me to my Elderhood years! I do know how to protect myself, I do know what my protective factors are that guide in choosing healthy internal boundaries. I do know how to make safe decisions and create calmness for myself.

 How and what do I choose to do about the chaos and when to pay attention to it….if at all or for any of it? What do I let go of as a matter of sanity in my own life? I honor and recognize these on going inner questions and conflicts as being driven by something Pema Chodron calls,  “Ubiquitous Nervousness.” A term she often refers to in her talks, shared from her Buddhist teachers. We all carry some level of nervousness within us. The question is what do we do with it? 

 I’ve decided to share the personal practices that have been helpful to me over the years. I hope my experiences here are helpful to those reading my work. 

At this writing I've been fully retired from professional work now for just over two years. One healing practice for me is writing. Which I learned to do as I mentioned as a student at Pacific Oaks College. Writing is a skill I find joyful and of course sometimes frustrating when at the same time. It keeps me mentally and emotionally active by enabling me to continue to stay connected to my years of practicing and reflecting on my own experiences and how I learned and continue to practice healthy self care. I have six grand children from the ages of 11 to 23 years old. I volunteer as a member of Friends of the Library in our community. I have a community garden plot that I love working in. I am enjoying new friendships through an International Grandmother's Circle that I was invited into about three years ago now. I have a full, rich life with my beloved husband. A beautiful and grateful life. These are the gifts in my life that bring me joy now…today. However, I still feel overwhelmed by the world's chaotic turns and exhausting events. I need to practice self care...daily...to not be consumed by it!!

Pema Chodron's gentleness is refreshing, as is her intelligence and humor, as she guides you to understanding the purpose of practicing meditation. She describes her own life experiences on how she learned to be gentle and kind with herself. Her teachings as a Buddhist nun and teacher of Buddhism are about practicing meditation by bringing or settling into and staying with yourself with the honesty of the subtleties of the inner nervousness. Developing clarity and courage as you become aware of your own feelings and thoughts at a deeper level. She guides us to consider being open to both the harmony and the chaos within. Learning to understand how to accept the tension of the duality of positive and negative emotions which are as she states, both just energy. 

Nothing to do beyond noticing and being curious about the energy in your body and the thoughts and emotions that arise. Becoming aware of whatever arises and letting go, as a practice of being with the energy. Staying with it, not trying to get rid of it or change anything as a necessary solution, which can often show up in ourselves as impulsive behaviors made to dispel the discomfort by attempting to hide it or get rid of it.

 Another teacher and practice…I trained in Aikido, a modern form of Japanese martial art, for a short time in the late seventies. I started learning from a book of course. eventually a friend introduced me to a dear soul who was trained in the art. He also happened to be a Baha’i. Through correspondence he eventually came to visit me and offered me a few instructions, giving me a practical guide book with steps to practice. He was an elder, he still worked for the post office in Seattle. He took the time to travel to visit with me and spend a couple of hours sharing his humble wisdom. I learned several movements and techniques that taught me how to connect more fully with my body so I could bring myself into a fuller awareness of my unconscious self, reflect more deeply on making choices based on my inner feelings through subtle movement and situational awareness. Over time and in practicing still, I learned to sit with the internal discomfort and let it pass, before ever acting or responding to the uncomfortable situation. I learned to make fewer, less harmful acts towards myself as well as others. I find these practices have kept me safe in many situations in my life, when I remember to practice them, and I always need to re-remember to practice the skills. Offering gratitude for my Asian friend and Aikido teacher.

 To remember…The word remember is a verb: "to have or be able to bring to one's mind an awareness of (someone or something that one has seen, known, or expected in the past)." Oxfords language Dictionary.

I have come to appreciate Pema Chodron’s work, and the work of the great spiritual healers that I have been blessed with in my life. The gifts of wisdom I've received is now the foundation of my spiritual development and my spiritual beliefs.  These experiences in my life are the pathway to my spiritual development. I have been a seeker of religious truth since a young child. I began going to church with neighbors, my parents did not have a church that they attended. When I was nine years old my grandmother took me to the United Methodist Church in Sunnyvale, California where we lived. We attended Sunday school there. I was given my first Bible of which I still treasure. As a young g mother I began studying the Baha'i Writings in the Spring of 1974, just after moving up Anacortes, Washington with my first husband and our young daughters. As I studied the Holy Writing’s of the Baha’i Faith, I was especially intrigued with the principles of "progression revelation". All religions have the same spiritual teachings. Manifestations of God arrive for humanity about every thousand years or so to reawaken us to what we have forgotten about being spiritual beings. From the time of Adam to now. The manifestation for this age is Baha’u’llah, meaning The Glory of God. His message for our time is the oneness of humanity, the unity of religions. Regarding meditation, there is a Baha'i teaching that states, "One hour of reflection is worth 70 years of pious worship." (Bahá’u’lláh, The Kitáb-i-Iqan, (The Book of Certitude, p. 238). There are no directions on how one should meditate in the Baha'i Writings, just that the practice brings you closer to understanding yourself as a spiritual being. 

I have learned for myself that I need some guidance as it relates to meditation and my path to my own spiritual practices and development. In the book, “Paris Talks”, a question was posed "What is meditation in reality and how do we meditate? ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, son of Baha’u’llah, explains the process in simple and clear terms: "It is an axiomatic fact that while you meditate you are speaking with your spirit. In that state of mind you put certain questions to your spirit and the spirit answers: the light breaks forth and the reality is revealed. You cannot apply the name ‘man’ to any being void of this faculty of meditation; without it he would be a mere animal, lower than the beasts." ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Paris talks, pg 174-175.  

https://www.bahai.org/library/authoritative-texts/abdul-baha/paris-talks/

In learning meditation as it relates to one’s self emotionally and spiritually, Pema states, “Emotions are the combination of energy and thought. You let the thoughts go and what’s left is energy. This is the practice, not the solution, but the practice of meditation”.  In my opinion her teachings on the practice of meditation and her guidance in general can be considered a self care choice leading to a deeper calm. Something that I surely need and as I practice have found to be very helpful in discovering joy and a deeper meaning to my decision making and life's choices. 

One more way to define this principle and practice of choosing a meditation practice as an act of self care is to consider it as choosing to take a “Five Step Self Time Out” for yourself. This is a term my husband of 26 years, and a marriage and family counselor, coined as he was working with families. He developed the "The Self Time Out Tools" and invited me to collaborate with him in his work. The tools are very clear and simple in understanding "feeling language". Often our innermost feelings are difficult to discover within ourselves when we are overwhelmed with anxiety, frustration, anger and fear created from trauma and stress.

As a retired mental health counselor, I’ve studied and written about these insight tools extensively now along side my husband, Chuck Britt. Along with my Life skills and lived experiences, in the work, it didn't take long to learn Chuck and I had much in common. When he asked me to marry him one night over dinner, in the winter of 1998, yes came easy and was a joyful decision. We married one month later. The day after our wedding, which took place on January 2, 1999 at Deception Pass State Park, we spoke at the Methodist Church in Mount Vernon, where we had been invited to speak about the “Self Time Out Parenting Tools”.  I have come to believe in the practical application of the Self time Out Tools first hand through using the tools over many years with the clients I have worked with and in continued collaboration with my husband.  I have witnessed hundreds of individuals and families go through transformational healing using the tools. We continue to offer free and printable materials on our website. https://www.selftimeout.org

As I become aware of the struggle and discomfort in my body, I can choose to reflect and ask myself, what do I feel, what do I need? I can ask, are my choices in this moment life giving, joyful and confirming, or are they life threatening and full of fear, anger and confusion? Very subtle meditative questions that can be a beginning to sitting down and moving closer to yourself. Meditation can become more about learning to not struggle with the uncomfortable feelings of push and pull, for and against, natural dualistic thinking, as Pema Chodron describes it. It can be about actually discovering a curiosity about oneself. Do my choices bring comfort or escalation within myself and my relationships with others? Do my choices give me less turmoil and fear or a more relaxed sense of calm as I make decisions and go about my day? 

The practice of noticing my feelings and needs can be a gentle shift of awareness. As uncomfortable as it might feel, remember it’s only energy flowing within the body. I can stop at any given moment and notice the discomfort the energy flowing within my body. As I do so, I will have more information to choose from about my feelings and my needs.  I can choose to make a plan to take care of myself, to be with myself, gently, listening to my feelings and needs. This  shift helps me to feel less anxious as I become more focused and self aware of my feeling. This is the foundation of a "Five Step Self Time Out".  

Meditation and self reflection can serve as a way of noticing what I am feeling and needing as a pathway to reducing chaos and increasing joy in my life. These practices have become a part of my daily self care for quite some time now. They serve my spiritual, mental, emotional and physical needs in predictable patterns that have served to create safety in my life and guide my choices over time. 

Perhaps, as science is teaching us, these practices affect me in the same way learning to ride a bike did when I was a kid. Neurological pathways of development, connecting and reconnecting throughout the body, at every step. Practicing what I've learned from my mentors over the years and being supported by the practical use of  insightful self care tools, has created patterns within my being that keeps me balanced and support who I am as a healthy whole human being. When I take the time to notice my feelings and needs and practice the skills I’ve learned, I notice I feel more confident in myself and my choices about what I now need to be learning now…in my Elderhood years.

 I know what it feels like to fall off the path. I know what it feels like to get back on the path. I can choose to continue to practice what works for me in my Elderhood years. How do I address my fears and confusions about what it feels like to be getting "older"? Sharing my writings, my stories, and my self care practices with you here, helps me stay connected with myself and with my life as I walk this path and learn to balance the chaos about what Elderhood means for me.

 I am always reading more than one book at a time. I’ve read two books reently by, Anne Lamott, after my friend sent me one of her articles. She is funny, painfully honest and grounded, trying to stay sane, healing writer! The most recent book I am reading now is titled, "Elderhood" Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life. By Louise Aronson MD. 2021. She is a graduate of Harvard Medical School, a geriatrician, educator and professor of medicine at the University of California. It is a 450 page textbook. Not sure about how its assisting me other than informing me of how our medical system has failed to support elders as they age. I don’t think I’ll make it through the book. I’m reading it in sections from the index based on my interest and mood. I do need wisdom about my aging process. I have fear about aging, as my body changes and I’m unable to do what I used to even five years ago. 

Final notes. 

My mother and father are my wisdom keepers and first mentors on the subject of Elderhood! God bless them for allowing me to be their medical advocate in their final years, walking with them through their health care needs, and becoming a full part of their elder years experiences. 

I am realizing that my reflective writing here on “Chaos and The Elder Years” has been a story unfolding throughout my narrative writing blog page of fifteen years now. Writing has been a way for me to document my life’s lessons and experiences. I write my stories because it is healing for me. A web of stories about my life wrapped around me like a beautiful dancing shawl.

Here are some resources from my mentors that you may find helpful:

Pema Chödrön (Standard Tibetan: པདྨ་ཆོས་སྒྲོན།, romanized: padma chos sgron, lit. 'lotus dharma lamp'; born Deirdre Blomfield-Brown, July 14, 1936) is an American-born Tibetan Buddhist. She is an ordained nun, former acharya of Shambhala Buddhism and disciple of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche.Chödrön has written several dozen books and audiobooks, and was principal teacher at Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia until recently.  She retired in 2020.

Pema Chodron https://www.soundstrue.com/products/coming-closer-to-ourselves (from Sounds True publications, soundstrue.com)

Pema Chodron A talk from Sounds True: “Unconditional Confidence, Instructions for Meeting any Experience with Trust and Courage.”

Pema Chodron “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness. A Guide to fearlessness in Difficult times.”

I suggest reading any of Pema Cohodron's articles in the magazine, Lions Roar. The most interesting current article of Pema’s is:https://www.lionsroar.com/from-suffering-to-awakening-3-ways-to-transform-your-emotions/ you may need to create a free account.

Finally often in Pema Chodron’s talks she will refer you to her recommendations for readings that led her to becoming a Buddhist nun and one of the main writings and authors she refers to is on the subject of “negative negativity”. 

One such writing link is at: https://www.thezengateway.com/culture/choegyam-trungpa-working-with-negativity 

Clarissa Pinkola Estés (née Reyes; born January 27, 1945) is a Mexican-American writer and Jungian psychoanalyst. She is the author of Women Who Run with the Wolves (1992), which remained on the New York Times bestseller list for 145 weeks and has sold over two million copies. 

Caroline Myss (pronounced mace; born December 2, 1952) is an American author of 10 books and many audio recordings about mysticism and wellness. She is most well known for publishing Anatomy of the Spirit (1996). She also co-published The Creation of Health with Dr C Norman Shealy, MD, former Harvard professor of neurology. Myss describes herself as a medical intuitive and a mystic. 

Maria Tecla Artemisia Montessori (/ˌmɒntɪˈsɔːri/ MON-tiss-OR-ee; Italian: [maˈriːa montesˈsɔːri]; 31 August 1870 – 6 May 1952) was an Italian physician and educator best known for her philosophy of education (the Montessori method) and her writing on scientific pedagogy. At an early age, Montessori enrolled in classes at an all-boys technical school, with hopes of becoming an engineer. She soon had a change of heart and began medical school at the Sapienza University of Rome, becoming one of the first women to attend medical school in Italy; she graduated with honors in 1896. Her educational method is in use globally in many public and private schools.

The Kitab-I-Iqan: The Book of Certitude. "A treatise revealed by Bahá’u’lláh in Baghdad in 1861/62 in response to questions posed by one of the maternal uncles of the Báb, translated by Shoghi Effendi and first published in English in 1931." https://www.bahai.org/library/authoritative-texts/bahaullah/kitab-i-iqan/ 

The official website of the worldwide Baha'i community: https://www.bahai.org/

"Blessed is the spot, and the house, and the place, and the city, and the heart, and the mountain, and the refuge, and the cave, and the valley, and the land, and the sea, and the island, and the meadow where mention of God hath been made, and His praise glorified." Bah'u'llah. https://www.bahaiprayers.org

Top photo taken of me age 77, at Grandveiw Cemetery Anacortes, WA, October 30, 2025 by my husband. 

Bottom photo taken of me at about age 30, by my friend Marcy North, in the Summer of 1978. Gentlemen in the background are Bill Mitchell of Anacortes, and his friend, of whom I do not have a name.

Drawing created December 3, 2025. Titled Shawl Dance: Merging out of Chaos. 

A Therapist's Rant

Happy Halloween!
 Holiday humor…and distraction from reality. 🧙‍♀️

 This fall season as October ends and November and brings day light savings time and long dark nights with too much wind and rain, the government remains shut down, I will be making plans to take extra food to our local food bank, and giving extra money this year to Meals on Wheels, and The Salvation Army, and worrying about the mother’s who skip a meal or two today and tell you, don’t worry, they aren’t hungry, just to have enough to feed their kids tomorrow. Who in the world would manufacture a food crisis for its people in the richest country in the world by denying federal funds that have already been allocated to feed children, the elderly, and veterans. Deny them quality affordable health care, refusing them a descent good quality life whatever their color of skin. Or close down our Head Start programs across the nation. Really?!!! And then there’s the unconscionable and crippling government shutdown that’s hurting so many. I’ll stop there. And just say….

I’ve been that mother, we don’t stay hungry forever or for long, we fight for our education and our children’s education. We pay it back, pay it forward. We fiercely protect our families from harm at the same time. 

And we are Always grateful! Trust me!

Sooo…ya let’s enjoy a few minutes of distraction, give our kids some candy and have fun and then please… Go VOTE!

 Make a choice to get back to the business of working together for each other, not against each other! Channel your anger, your energy, in whatever way you feel it needs to be done to take personal responsibility to turn this on going incessant arguing and blaming into action and just get busy with the work at hand. To come together as neighbors to clean up this God awful mess that’s happening so rapidly before our eyes. Maybe some of us saw this train wreck coming or might have stepped away from it all. Or didn’t fully understood it because we trusted too much, while working too hard. Or perhaps turned away from it for self preservation or just because they believed differently. Or said out loud or to themselves, that won’t happen here, they can’t do…that. It doesn’t matter. 

What does matter now is that we continue to work peacefully together and in ways that build unifying communities. When we do this good work together we protect each other and demonstrate as a community that we do not tolerate our neighbors being terrorized. 

🧙‍♀️Rant completed from your local retired therapist. Up worrying at 4 am and writing for my own therapy on this Halloween. Anticipating and wondering what the inevitable sunrise will gift us today!

Always Grateful!🕯️🦉🙏🏽

Photo of Sunrise October 30, 2025. La Conner.

Shadow to Light

 

We enjoy walking along Austin Creek close by our place. If you look closely you might see or hear the great blue heron that flew up off the creek bed as I was photographing. We turn and walk along a path of old cedar trees. This peaceful environment is where we reflect and offer gratitude for the love that we are gifted with by so many in our lives. During these seemingly complicated and often frightening times we are living in now, reflecting on life’s small gifts with gratitude is an act of love in itself. 

Anne Lamott published a short article today that was an offering of hope. She said she learned from a friend to go stand in whatever small circle of light you can find when feeling overwhelmed. I liked that.

Step out of the shadow and into any small circle of light, offer up gratitude, widen the circle, brighten the light, fill it with a peaceful heart, caring arms of protection and healing and hopefulness and goodness and hold onto each other.

Renewed Friendships and Ancient Desert Lands.

  

Photo of a Creek bed in our friends neighborhood.

On March 17 through the 25th, of this year (2025) we traveled to Sante Fe, New Mexico to visit long time and dears friend of Chuck. Richard Sullivan and his wife Melody Bostik, have lived in Sante Fe for over twenty five years. They have been inviting us for some time to visit. Then in December of 2024, Richard called again and invited us. Chuck had not seen Richard since he left Los Angeles in 1989 to move up to the Pacific North West. Although my father was born in Thomas, New Mexico, and I was born in Dalhart, Texas, I had never been to the regions of the Southwest of the US before our visit in March.

Chuck and I went on walks together in their neighborhood and witnessed the very dry landscaape and dusty creek beds lined with sage brush and cactus of various kinds. We had wonderful evening conversations throughout our visit with Richard and Melody. The four of us took turns cooking our favorite meals for each other. They have two adult sons and both were able to join us for a meal the Sunday before we left. It was lovely to meet these two beautiful souls who have been working together for many years. They were excellent hosts and I made new friends! 

Here is link to their web site where you can learn all about their extraordinary work..

  https://www.bostick-sullivan.com/about/ 

                                               

 

Chuck and Richard in his office.

 

Chuck and Melody and their son, Dana  at their shop.

 

 
Melody gave us her pass to all of the wonderful museums in and around the Sante Fe Plaza. We had such a wonderful time visiting together in their home that we never actually went into a museum, as wonderful as it would have been, although we did get close. One week was definitely not enough time.

While in the Plaza we stopped by a wonderful jewelry booth. We had gone to visit Richard and Melody's son, who works in the Plaza. The jewelry maker, Ben Chavez, has been making jewelry and presenting it at that particular booth for many, many years. His son James, also a jewelry maker in his own right, was manning their booth, El Platero Silversmith. He noticed that the earrings that I had on were made by his father over 40 years ago. He was adamant about the fact. As noted, I had never been in Sante Fe before and had actually bought the earrings in Mount Vernon, WA. at the Skagit Valley Food Co-op many years ago. His son told me the earrings I had on were his father's signature design, which is the black stairs of the Navajo. They are sold all over the world he said, on consignment. He asked us to come back the next day to meet his father and show him my earrings. I've attached photo of me and the young man.

 His web site is www.elplaterosfplaza.com. On the Sante Fe Plaza since 1984.

 

James and I on the Plaza

 

James selling their jewelry on the Plaza.

 El Platero Silversmith.

 

The rest of the photos are from a drive we took into Jemez Pueblo country outside of Albuquerque at the tail end of our visit. Walatowa is the ancient name of the Jemez Pueblo. This is the land where Scott Momaday grew up as a child. It is the backdrop of his novel, "House Made of Dawn", which was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1969. At the time I did not connect our visit to the Jemez Pueblo with his novel or his childhood home, even though I had recently been listening to his book on audible. I was listening to the wonderful preface again this afternoon, which is narrated my Momaday. I finally connected his Jemez Pueblo homeland and the novel with the same area we visited in March. So…I needed to revisit my photos I had down loaded onto my computer. In doing so I find myself writing and revisiting my memories of our trip. 

Photos I took of some the Jemez Pueblo sites are below.

"The Pueblo of Jemez (pronounced “Hay-mess” or traditionally as “He-mish”) is one of the 19 pueblos located in New Mexico. It is a federally recognized American Indian tribe with 3,400 tribal members, most of whom reside in a puebloan village that is known as “‘Walatowa” (a Towa word meaning “this is the place”). Walatowa is located in North-Central New Mexico, within the southern end of the majestic Canon de Don Diego. It is located on State Road 4 approximately one hour northwest of Albuquerque (55 miles) and approximately one hour and twenty minutes southwest of Santa Fe." 

https://www.jemezpueblo.org/about/history-and-culture/

Photos below were taken in the Jemez Pueblo area.