Notes from Father's Day 2019

This was my first Father's Day after the passing of my dad. I was raised on love and hard trials like most of us. I was also raised on country music from Jimmy Rogers, Johnny Cash, Frankie Lane, Patsey Cline and watching them all on the “Grand Old Opry” Saturday nights on our little black and white. Listening to them all as my dad played his 78’s and LP’s on special occasions and I danced on his feet as he twirled me around. Never really appreciating the reality of the time, I was a child, reaching for the stars.

This song by Frankie Lane, is one that reminds me of my father very much, and I still cry when listening to it. Today I thank my father for his daily long hours of hard laborious work to care for us and for his day in and day out constant love, right up to his passing four days after his 93rd birthday, November 14, 2018. I love you my father, may you now be lifted to paradise through God’s grace like the visionary prayer request in this song you introduced to me so long ago.

A Memorial for my father: Orville Eugene Bonner

 Orville Eugene Bonner. November 10, 1925 - November 14, 2018

 

January 18, 2019

Dearest Family,

Mom and dad’s remains were interred on December 31, 2018, at the Grandview Cemetery in Anacortes. A gravestone was ordered from Evans Funeral home at the end of November and will be placed at the site as soon as it is completed. We are very grateful to all of you for your support and love and efforts to communicate and visit with dad from wherever you were in the final days and hours of his life. We respectfully thank Harbor View Hospital and specifically Dr. Allison Brusati, and the nurses for their care and compassion during dad’s final days. Mom and dad were both members of the Co-op Funeral Home of People’s Memorial Services, and we appreciate the quality of their services.
Two sons, Ed Bonner and Robert Bonner, a daughter, Connie Bonner-Britt, seven grand children and fifteen great grandchildren, three nieces, and a nephew survive him. His wife Velda passed away December 25, 2015. He survived the passing of his father, mother, and two brothers and a sister. Two daughters, Diana Bonner, and Barbie Bell, passed away in November of 1995 and January of 2000 respectively.
There is much I could write about dad as his oldest daughter, but he pretty much did that for us with his own personal stories and poems. As we very lovingly say farewell to him we know he is now reunited with his beloved and his two daughters Diana and Barbie, and all of his relatives. Here is what I could capture as I was able to over the last many weeks since his passing. I know each one of you have your own thoughts and prayers and stories and I encourage you to please share them as well.
Orville Eugene Bonner passed away November 14, 2018 at Harbor View Hospital in Seattle, Washington. He was born November 10, 1925 in Tomas, New Mexico, to Audrey Mae Bonner and Charles Lee Bonner. He was raised in Dalhart, Texas. He was a son, brother, father, husband, uncle, grandfather and great grandfather. Orville was known to friends and family as Bob and to his grandchildren he was Gramps and to me he was just dad.
He served two years in the U.S. Navy from 1944-1946. He married his beloved wife, Velda Mae, June 25,1947. They bought a home and settled in Sunnyvale, California, raising five children. He was a self-taught carpenter, building thousands of fences in the Bay Area. He not only supported his family, but also provided jobs for both his brother Leroy and his brother-in-law Joe, while often working two jobs to make ends meet for his family. Dad liked taking his kids to the drive-in movies and the roller derby on the weekends, as well many other family outings, especially three-day holiday weekend camping trips on the Stanislaus River. In 1966 mom and dad moved to San Jose until 1974, where they bought and moved to “the farm” in Orosi, California. They then moved to Folsom where they lived and worked at “the station” until 1997. There are many well documented photos that dad has of his work designing and building a number of gas stations over the years in Central California with my brothers, Rob and Ed.
Dad especially loved Christmas, decorating the house with strands of colorful lights. One memory for me was when he worked the night shift for Sylvania Electric as a night watchman. When I was about seven years old, he dressed up in the company Christmas party “Santa Suite” after the employees had gone home, and delivered our presents at home to us on Christmas day. As a grandfather and great grandfather he still sometimes dressed up in full costume as Santa.
Dad will be most remembered for the cherished work he did preserving family photo albums. He extensively documented his life with his beloved through photo albums and movies throughout their lifespan together. During the past 24 years of his life, and after retiring and making their home in Anacortes, Washington, dad documented their life together through writing stories and poems of his life. I know this was very healing work for him. Up until his final weeks Dad was writing to his loved ones and painstakingly creating photo albums for each one of his children and grandchildren and their families. After mom passed he was always busy sending a birthday card or a special gift to grand children and great grand children. Making sure each one knew how much they were loved and thought about each day.
There will no be a formal memorial. Each one of you very lovingly visited mom and dad often over the past several years and for that they have been grateful beyond words. Gathering in their name will always be something we can look forward to planning in the future if at anytime any of you wish to travel this way. Dad’s photo albums have been organized for each of you. If you would like them mailed to you please let me know. Otherwise they are here for you as dad wanted and planned as his final and cherished gift to each of you.
May each one of us in our family continue to love each other in the ways we were taught by both mom and dad. As they shared their life’s lessons with us through their laughter and tears, hardships and strengths and weaknesses, may we continue to pass on their precious love through sharing our stories together with each other.

“Two Wolves”

A Cherokee Legend

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – his is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed."

My walk as an Elder

Photo of Lupin flowers along the Swinomish Hats. Taken May 2017

Grace and Humility

 

The Skagit River

 Photo taken Fall 2017

Grace and Humility

May 28, 2018

What this photo I took some months ago along the Skagit River means for me st this time in my life is a representation of my walk which has been blessed, each step a lesson learned. As I reflect on my blessings, I prayerfully walk in immense humility and gratitude. 

 

 Reflections on so much I have to be grateful for and so much I have to look forward to as I move into this rather nebulous and unknown time in my life at the age of 70. Well on the path of my elder years.  I will finally be retiring completely from the college as an instructor, and my work as a counselor with the Swinomish Tribe, at the end of June this year. Friendships with very dear colleagues that have walked along side of me for many years will continue, yet take on a new color. They will never be lost. They will always be treasured. I was told by a tribal elder and Chairperson of the Samish Nation, Margaret Greene, in 1996, "We have no words for good bye in our language."  At that time I was leaving my position as director for five years of Samish Long House Preschool to work for Skagit Mental Health Children's Services, where I would complete my internship, finally complete my thesis for my Masters Degree and receive my license as a mental health counselor. I would meet my beloved husband, married now for 19 years, and have the blessing of collaborating with him for as long as partners of Skagit Family Study Center.

I take a bend in the river now, turning to a perhaps and hopefully slower pace of life with my husband as we continue our collaboration at Skagit Family Study Center. 

 

                           Photo of Chuck and I by the Skagit River Summer 2000.                                                  

Photo of my dear friends and co-workers Darlene, and Shirley.  

                                               

                                            Self photo of me Summer 2018, 70 years old

On this day I honor my family, my mother, my elders, my ancestors.

Two photos here. The first is with me and my mother and my mother's beautiful and first great grand daughter, Emma. I appreciate the photo because of the strength I experienced all of my life from my mother. Taken about 18 years ago, we were at a family picnic at Bowman's Bay in Anacortes. I am deeply aware of how much our family misses my mother since her passing December 25th, just two years ago. My mother is the rock in our family and will ever remain so, and here in this photo the love is felt and beautiful memories of her strength, wisdom and love are held tightly.

Mom's grand parents and the parents of her father, Edwin (Sonny) Kolhs are in the second photo. Edward Kolhs, born December 25, 1879, Pommer, Scheawig-Holstein, Germany. Passed over November 26, 1958 in his home in Fruita, Colorado. Emilie Alvina Kasch-Kolhs, and whom I named our daughter after, was born October 25, 1881, in Schoenberg, Germany. She passed over July 7, 1980 in Fruita, Colorado. I would like to thank my beloved father at this time for his tireless and incredible life long work of maintaining our family photos and our family tree.

My wish for you my family, now as this 2017 year ends and in memory of my mother, is that you each hold onto the dear ones in your life. Continue to create lasting memories built on respect for the all knowing forces love brings and hold tight the ever present power behind the morning light of God's grace.

"Peace... comes within the souls of men when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the Universe dwells Wakan-Tanka, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us."
-- Black Elk (Hehaka Sapa) OGLALA SIOUX

Winter Solstice

      

Fog and Ice

I took this photo the morning of December 11, 2017. The roads that morning were very icy, and the fog was often difficult to see through. I could feel the car slipping a few times and was feeling blessed to have made it safely to my destination for the day.  The sun was so striking, glaring at me as it shone through the clouds. I put my gear down that I had gathered from the car to take into my office, and tried to capture the beauty in and around the fog and ice with my camera.

As I reflect on this year as it comes to an end, this image somehow describes the varying degrees of experiences I have had over the year. Sometimes not able to see clearly through the difficulties in front of me and sometimes slipping and sliding through the varying situations occurring in my life.

Each and every day I rise in prayer and meditation, which is a habit I have developed over many years, beginning from when I was a child seeking spiritual guidance. I have come to understand the importance of prayer in my life. Prayer and meditation brings me stillness within the Fog and Ice of my life and gives me the guidance needed for my walk.

 I am grateful for what this year has shown me as I reflect on the joys and hold up the sorrows I know we each must walk through. May you receive many blessing this coming year. May you be guided in a good way as we each enter and celebrate this Winter Solstice which is upon us. With gratitude for my life with my husband, my family, the dear friends in my life, I raise my hands in prayer to you.

Creative Will and The Management of Choice.

Reviewed and revised for today, November 8, 2025. 

Developing a path of healing on all levels of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical development is a process of understanding creative will (free will) as it relates to learning and practicing self care, well enough, to choose plans based on feelings and needs that will create experiences leading to joy and safety and the magic of creativity, moment by moment. This writing is an attempt to share my insights learned from my life experiences both educational and personal, sharing what I have learned from the mentors who guide me. My mentors include my family and ancestors, as well as gifted authors, educators and individuals I've been blessed to have crossed my path. Below are a few suggestions that I have been learning and teaching over many years on how one might engage is choosing a self care plan that supports the reduction of the fear and anxiety and depression that we each faced with as human beings. How do I increase my ability to understand and create a pathway that leads to a deeper wisdom of how to choose self compassion and joy over fear and the anger and relentless looping of anxiety and depression? 

Below are some ways that I would like to share regarding the understanding and practice of the principles of using the "Five Step Self Time Out" tools in ways that may give you opportunity for deeper insights into your reflection practices and patterns of living and making daily choices in your life moment by moment.

Part One: Begin Where Your Heart Is: By reflecting on what you need to be doing for yourself right now. What do you feel in your heart of hearts, what do you need to take care of yourself now? What is your gut or intuition telling you that you know you need to be doing for yourself, but you aren’t? Make a list of what comes up for you. Your list could be s simple as getting back to a daily exercise routine to more complicated needs such as setting a boundary for yourself with a friend or coworker regarding your personal safety.

Part Two: Create a List of What Brings You Joy: What positive experiences have you created in your life that you know provide you safety and calm? What self care tools do you need, what have you practiced to support yourself in transitioning from anxiety and fear and depression to calm, to getting back on track with feeling safe in your heart and body and mind? Reflecting on your feelings and needs, writing down what you have done to support yourself by asking yourself what plans have worked for you to take care of  feelings and needs are the keys that will guide and support you on your spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical developmental path. Healing and development is a life long journey. It's a gift to yourself, your family and your community. It is your personal journey. Erik Erickson and his writing on stages of human development which we have posted on our web site can be a helpful tool to grasp the principles of life long learning and development. There are many others.                         https://www.simplypsychology.org/erik-erikson.html

Part Three: Insight Tools: At selftimeout.org we believe the "Five Step Self Time Out" tools support a reflective process of intentional mental, emotional, spiritual and physical development through the awareness and understanding of our free will or creative will...to choose our own path of development. Through reflection I can choose to intentionally become more aware of my feelings and needs by understanding my inner discomforts and internal contradictions stored in my body. When I am able to identify, label and process my feelings and needs, I am choosing to practice self care with intentional, gentle, tender, love. I can choose to notice and interrupt my inner contradictions and the discomforts I am feeling in my body. I can choose to stop worrying, or blaming or shaming myself and others.  The goal is to notice and interrupt the dual thinking, the discomfort of contradictions, and replace the discomfort with the practice of gently affirming myself with positive, kind, affirming thoughts and actions. When I practice affirming myself, I am building healthy internal boundaries while creating a conscious pathway through and with my free will to build my creative life joyfully and compassionately.

Part Fo ur:Creative Will and The management of choice. The balance of mind and heart and the free will to choose. When we practice self care tools over a period of time the process of managing the emotional self (our free will) will open up an awareness of the inner contradictions, i.e. the energy around feelings of irritation, anger, fear, hate, etc., and all of the negative "stuff" that keeps us stuck and leads us to impulsive reactions, decisions and behaviors. The practice of the "Five Step Self Time Out" tools naturally includes the process of noticing, interrupting and replacing the inner contradictions created by negative self talk. We can choose to notice these behaviors towards ourselves and others. The more we become conscious of our behaviors and responses to them, the more pathways to health on all levels we will show themselves. As I choose to notice, interrupt, and replace the discomfort I am feeling in my body with a plan based on choices of healthy gentle care of myself, I create a deeper calm, safe, and joyful place within. As I choose to create a deeper calm, safe, joyful place within, I am reducing the dual thinking of contradictions, while increasing a congruent consistency and management of my free will, my creative will, my deep awareness of taking personal responsibility, ie good care of myself, emerges. As I move closer to my true creative self, I move ever more closer to connecting to the wholeness and gifts of the "Creative Will of the Universe." I have come to believe, through years of work and practice that these are the foundational steps to healthy self inner awareness . You might think of these ideas in terms of Refection and Meditation, which are the principle foundations of understanding and connection to the awareness of my free will. to choose my path at any given moment. Tapping into these insights has the possibility of connection and beginning to take care me to my spiritual, emotional, mental and physical needs in gentle and tender ways that reduce fear and anxiety.

"Some things are subject to the free will of man, such as justice, equity, tyranny and injustice, in other words, good and evil actions; it is evident and clear that these actions are, for the most part, left to the will of man. But there are certain things to which man is forced and compelled, such as sleep, death, sickness, decline of power, injuries and misfortunes; these are not subject to the will of man, and he is not responsible for them, for he is compelled to endure them. But in the choice of good and bad actions he is free, and he commits them according to his own will." 

From the Baha'i Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p 248

What's happening in 2017

This year 2017, I completed my EMDR certification training in February, this took about eighteen months. This summer in June I have been invited to attend the American Indian Psychologist Association annual gathering. I have been researching the area where this has been held for the last thirty years and talking to other therapists who have attended in the past. I am waffling with trepidation as I will travel to a remote area in the mountains of Utah, 7000 feet elevation. We will stay in tents and participate in mountain horseback riding and camp for a couple of days as part of the experience, before heading on back down to the University of Utah for the three day conference. I have updated here after the trip with a photo of myself and dear friend and colleague Darlene. We had a wonderful trip to Utah. The experience of meeting so many folks from around the country serving Native Americans was humbling. It was an honor to be a partticipant.

So looking back I have had other experiences similar tho the Utah trip related to my educational goals. I camped on the beach in Santa Barbara when I went to the University of Santa Barbara in August of 1976 for three weeks to complete my Montessori practicum. This was required for my certification. I had rented a small apartment however I decided to not stay there and chose instead to join a colleague and share camping space on the beach close to the university.

At that time I was a young mother and on a mission to teach my children all I could learn so they would enter school with a firm foundation. This new invitation will take me to Utah and is bringing up memories of my adventures of traveling to Santa Barbara the summer of 1976. I drove with my young children from Anacortes, Washington to Central California where my parents lived at the time. They had bought property and were living in a small town called Orosi. The property had five acres of orange trees, Valencia oranges. My father was working to establish his home building and construction business. My children stayed there on the "farm" as we all called it, with their grandparents, while I traveled on to Santa Barbara University to complete my three week practicum. As part of our travels we left Anacortes and headed to the tip of Washington to visit the Makah Indian reservation and attend the Baha'i Faith Spiritual Gathering held annually there. We then drove along the coast and headed to my folks place. Here is a web site for the Baha'i friends in Neah Bay. http://www.makahbahai.com/  I have since traveled to Neah Bay with my daughter and with my husband.

When I returned from California in the late summer of 1976,  I was hired to teach in the Swinomish Indian Tribal Community Head Start program. From that experience a long road of stories are still occurring today. I am just beginning to understand their purpose as I unwind and share the experiences from that point in my life to this. I continued my education and received my Masters Degree in Human Development with three specializations in child development and parent community work at Pacific Oaks College.

The painting is one I love very much and was used as the logo for my school, Children's House Child Development Center.  After completing my Montessori Certification, and working for Swinomish  Head Start program, I became ill mid year with pneumonia and did not complete the school year. I soon began caring for children in my home to be with my own young children. After several years I created the school and owned and operated the program for more than fifteen years. During that time I was asked to help develop the Samish Longhouse Preschool Program and worked for the Samish Nation from 1990 through 1996.
Swedish Artist, Elsa Beskow 1874-1953